Gosh…often I am ask, “Loretta, what is the difference between life coaching and therapy?’
Well..it’s time you got our answer!
Though all humans could find both Coaching and Therapy helpful at the same point in their lives, how could one decide which is most appropriate at a specific time in his or her life? By gaining a deeper understanding of what the differences are between Coaching and Counseling, one may determine which form of help is best for him or her.
Counseling is often times conducted for the use of revisiting one’s past and finding healing from his or her wounds. Many humans suffer from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), Multiple Personality Disorder, Bipolar Disorder, and many other disorders. These disorders commonly result from issues in a client’s childhood or early adult life.
Childhood messages are powerful..wouldn’t you agree?
The way that many people cope with disorders, stressors, anxiety, depression, and grief depends on the person, but many people will react in the form of eating disorders, anxiety disorders, anger, frustration, avoidance, or other coping tactics. The goal of counseling is for clients to recover from their past wounds and move towards a lifestyle of healing, finding freedom from their pain.
Additionally, therapists diagnose and provide professional expertise and guideline. Life Coaches help clients identify the challenges, and then work in a partnership with clients to obtain their goals.
Coaching is a helpful method that looks toward the future. Life Coaching is for humans who desire to see improvement and beneficial change in their lives.
Rather than healing from the past, life coaching looks forward and may ask the following questions:
Life Coaching strives to make challenging goals and meet those goals by utilizing intense accountability and motivation. Coaches often work with specific humans depending upon their personal goals. Some humans may seek coaching for guidance in the biz world, growth in family/friend relationships, or even to reach their potential for health and wellness. Coaching can be conducted on countless different topics, but it always looks toward the future and the goals clients have set.
Here at Bella, coaching is focused on the present and the future. We work on four areas with clients:
· Defining Goals
· Formulating a plan that will use the client’s skills
· Holding the client accountable for progress
· Providing a structure, encouragement and support
Through coaching, clients can learn how to use healthy and helpful ways of navigating through life.
The Vineland Aquabike Race now owned by Ironman snakes across California’s Napa Valley Wine Country with beautiful scenery covering a distance of 2.4 miles of swimming in the Russian River and 112 miles featuring gentle rollers as athletes cycle through the famous wine country and quaint towns.
It’s considered to be perfect to the level of challenge by seasoned Aquabikers and triathletes alike who are used to racing across the hottest, hilliest terrains on the planet.
In 2012 I decided to complete in the Vineman Full Distance Aquabike.
Bike. Swim. Done.
I was not your average athlete; in fact I was not your average anything. I dabbled in my first swim lesson at my local YMCA - Terrified of Water just 9 months before this Aquabike Event.
I knew I had high levels of stamina, but this was another matter altogether because most of the entrants were super fit swimmers and cyclists in their prime.
I was 48 years old with little competitive experience.
However, the one thing I possessed was a burning belief that I could, and would, complete the race. I didn’t have any self-limiting beliefs.
It was a cool morning at 4:30am in Napa Valley when I turned up wearing yoga pants, a bright green jacket and orange flip-flops, inviting cheers from my husband and children. Yet, the air was cool and the Russian River was warm. The transition area along the riverbank looked like a horror film – steam rising from the river as the sun was rising over the horizon.
The race started and, to nobody’s surprise I was soon lagging behind the seasoned swimmers.
I had a very strange way of swimming that meant I barely rotated my hips with each stroke and moved forward looking more like a sleeping snail than a seasoned swimmer.
Half way through the bike stage, I remarkably took the lead in my age group and 10th overall.
Rather than stopping for the traditional special needs (nutrition is placed in athlete’s special need bags and placed on the course) break that most endurance athletes took part in, I took a fraction of the time the others took and just kept going eating a Payday straight out of a wrapper as I cycled to give my legs and mind needed energy.
By the 90-mile mark, much to the amazement of myself, I had built up a substantial lead among athletes in my age group.
It was an impressive performance but I was inevitably going to relinquish this lead when I needed to stop for a nutrition break.
Only I never needed to do so.
I was driven by the belief that I could rest for as long as I wanted once the race was over.
I did the unexpected in finishing the Aquabike.
But I did the truly remarkable in not just winning my age group, it, but gathering a staggering 10-minute arrival after the overall winner.
I decided what was possible for me. Not my family. Not my friend. Not even society as a whole. I set the parameters in my life and I set my own beliefs about what I could achieve.
Suddenly others realized what was possible and started to believe that if I could do it, so could they.
They didn’t suddenly increase their stamina overnight, but they did increase their belief in what was possible.
I was a confident athlete, even after 20+ consecutive failures.
Two years later, I pedaled to the Michigan Masters Time Trial Championship. I made the national Aquabike ranking as 1st in Michigan, 2nd in the Midwest and 13th in the nation.
Then, the unthinkable happened.
I was on a training ride. A tan pick up truck passed me as I was going downhill at 26 mph. The driver of the truck took a sharp right and turned right in front of me.
I felt like a Superhero flying in the air. Until my face planted on the cement. My face looked like something out of a horror film. I thought my back was fractured. I thought my beloved racing bike was shattered.
My husband asked me. My friends asked me. My training pals asked me. “Loretta Anne, how did you get back on the bike? I mean, how did you continue to swim and bike and make the ranking again as an Aquabiker?”
“How did you swim after struggling so long in the water?”
“How did you overcome your fears?”
Well, I am a believer. If had missed so many opportunities to learn from other swimmers and cyclists, how could I fail?
I can think and believe any way I want to.
And guess what?
So can you.
Loretta Anne Holmes, MA CMHWC is an ADHD & Life Coach at Bella ADHD & Life Coaching. Loretta Anne coaches humans affected by ADHD & Anxiety discover their kick ass life. Discover your kick ass life at www.bellaADHDcoaching.com
You'll be glad you did!
The other day I saw a report that said one in 10 Americans over the age of 12 take antidepressants.
Not too long ago..I was one of the 10.
My biological mom abandonment me at birth. She left me at an orphanage.
My adopted mom passed away when I was a toddler and my adopted dad quickly remarried the step monster (I am being kind when I call her that) with four kids of her own. Guess who had abandonment issues?
The stepfamily would not talk to me for two weeks. During Christmas vacation.
I was raised without being told I was loved.
The step-monster would beat me with a belt while my dad was at work. When he arrived home, life was beautiful. I know..right?
My step-monster refused to share with me when my dad passed away. I found out by reading the obituary in the newspaper.
I was hit by a truck while cycling. You see, I am an avid cyclist. When I could not ride my bike, a part of me was missing.
Yes, I was one of the 10 Americans over the age of 12 taking antidepressants. As an adult, I discovered ways to beat depression naturally and live a kick ass life. It was a tough journey.
So…what was shocking to me was that less than a third of the people taking antidepressants have seen a mental health professional in the year…and most people who take these drugs don’t need them.
Antidepressants are taken mostly by white women, and their use has increased 400 percent since the early 1990s. Isn’t that shocking?
It could be that these pharmaceuticals are just the new version of “mother’s little helper.” But it also could be that too many women (and girls!) are suffering and medicating their problems rather than solving them at the source.
I am not a doctor. I am a Life Coach. I have had periodic bouts of deep depression in my life where I could not get out of bed...tell me, who HASN’T?!? Feeling depressed is a common feeling, and it’s usually a sign that something is wrong in your life. At least, that’s what I’ve found. It could be something as little as not exercising enough and working too hard or as large as not being happy in a job or a relationship.
Depression is a tool for discovering the truth, if you are brave enough to face it rather than try to wish it away. So here are my 11 tips for beating depression naturally that are both life-learned and based on medical evidence:
1. First, see a life coach. Don’t be afraid or ashamed! A life coach will be able to tell you if you need more serious medical help. It’s amazing how quickly talking about your depression with someone else (a professional life coach, not just a friend) can uncover things that afterwards might seem obvious but in the moment of darkness are impossible to see.
I guess that is why depression feels so dark...it’s hard to see things!
2. Go for a long walk outside. In Europe, doctors prescribe exercise for their depression patients. I think the best is a combination of exercise and getting out in nature...along with giving your body and mind enough time of mindless walking to let the true feelings and thoughts rise to the surface. You will also see that nature has cycles too—there are times of joy and times of hibernation. Allow your body and soul to sync with nature and you’ll automatically feel better.
3. Let the sun warm your skin. A few years ago, vitamin D supplements were being touted as super-pills that could protect you from depression and other ailments. Well, it turns out that’s not really true. The truth is that people who spend time outside and eat plenty of fatty fish, such as wild salmon, have higher vitamin D levels and less depression. Is it the vitamin D or the lifestyle? I say, skip the pills and go outside and get your sun on!
4. Read a book. I recommend the Mind-Body Mood Solution, by Dr. Jeffrey Rossman, because he has helped me many times with my depressive bouts. As the behavioral health specialist at Canyon Ranch, he has taught me how to get to the real issue quickly and change my perspective on my problems. It really works!
5. Eat right. Eating crap, or overeating anything, literally feeds the depression cycle. Every time you eat crap, you feel bad, and then it just gets that much harder to pull yourself out of the dive. A few foods that are renowned for improving your mood are wild-caught salmon, walnuts, and dark chocolate.
6. Stop drinking and drugging yourself. Trust me on this: While drinking might make you feel better momentarily, all you are doing is swallowing your problems, where they eat away at you in even deeper darkness inside your soul. If you are using alcohol or drugs to anesthetize yourself against your problems, please stop. Get help if you need it!
7. Fall in love. With yourself, first! Treat yourself as you would a precious lover whom you adore, flaws and all. Pamper yourself with baths, naps, flowers, massages. Write love letters to yourself. Tell the voice in your head that says you are not good enough or pretty enough or smart enough to shut the f*ck up and hit the road, Jack, and don’t come back no more, no more, no more, no more.
8. Laugh. Studies have shown that laughter does really make you feel better. Watch some silly comedies! Or old I Love Lucy episodes. Go ahead, watch America’s Funniest Home Videos—at the very least, you’ll be thankful that you are not the one getting whacked in the groin, bonking your head on something stupid, or falling ridiculously from doing something no person in their right mind should really do.
9. Create. Write down your thoughts and secrets. Paint or draw pictures about how you feel. Build something. Garden! Actually, studies have shown that there is stuff in garden soil that works better than antidepressants. So get out there, and don’t wear gloves. Get dirty, get creative, and don’t worry about whether it’s good enough—if you made it, it’s AWESOME! And while you are doing all this, listen to music because that helps, too.
10. Connect with your dreams. Do you remember what as a child you dreamed your life would be like? Often, I find, I get depressed when I have strayed too far from my original dreams. Yes, sometimes we need to change our dreams, but it’s amazing the power of those deep original dreams and how they can guide us.
11. Have the courage to change. Truly, I believe the only way out of depression is to listen to what the darkness is trying to tell you and change your life accordingly. I’ve been shocked sometimes by what I’ve learned and heard in those darkest moments, but as long as you trust your heart and soul and what they’re trying to tell you, you will find the brightness again. The light is right there waiting for you to turn the corner and see it. It will get better, and then you will be so grateful and happy that you had the courage to get through the darkness awake and alive.
Now, I’m really going to sound like my mother when I say this, but I’m going to say it anyway: Always remember that after the darkest storm is when the rainbows come out.
Don’t face depression alone. I have been there. I get it. Life Coaching can help at www.bellaADHDcoaching.com
Loretta Anne, MA CMHWC
The Battle We Did Not Choose.
Panic Attacks. Anxiety.
They both suck. Right?
When you’re feeling anxious, you might feel stuck and unsure of how to feel better. You might even do things that unwittingly fuel anxiety. You might hyperfocus on the future. You might get carried away by a slew of what-ifs.
You might judge and bash yourself for your anxiety. You might believe your negative, worst-case scenario thoughts are indisputable facts.
Thankfully, there are many tools and techniques you can use to manage anxiety effectively. Below, experts shared healthy ways to cope with anxiety.
Right Here. Right Now.
“The first thing to do when you get anxious is to breathe,” said Tom Corboy, MFT, the founder and executive director of the OCD Center of Los Angeles. and co-author The Mindfulness Workbook for OCD.
Deep diaphragmatic breathing is a powerful anxiety-reducing technique because it activates the body’s relaxation response. It helps the body go from the fight-or-flight response of the sympathetic nervous system to the relaxed response of the parasympathetic nervous system, said Marla W. Deibler, PsyD, a clinical psychologist and director of The Center for Emotional Health of Greater Philadelphia, LLC.
She suggested this practice: “Try slowly inhaling to a count of 4, filling your belly first and then your chest, gently holding your breath to a count of 4, and slowly exhaling to a count of 4 and repeat several times.”
Remember that “anxiety is just a feeling, like any other feeling,” said Deibler, "by reminding yourself that anxiety is simply an emotional reaction, you can start to accept it."
Acceptance is critical because trying to wrangle or eliminate anxiety often worsens it. It just perpetuates the idea that your anxiety is intolerable, he said.
But accepting your anxiety doesn’t mean liking it or resigning yourself to a miserable existence.
“It just means you would benefit by accepting reality as it is – and in that moment, reality includes anxiety. The bottom line is that the feeling of anxiety is less than ideal, but it is not intolerable.”
Psychiatrist Kelli Hyland, M.D., has seen first-hand how a person’s brain can make them believe they’re dying of a heart attack when they’re actually having a panic attack. She recalled an experience she had as a medical student.
“I had seen people having heart attacks and look this ill on the medical floors for medical reasons and it looked exactly the same. A wise, kind and experienced psychiatrist came over to [the patient] and gently, calmly reminded him that he is not dying, that it will pass and his brain is playing tricks on him. It calmed me too and we both just stayed with him until [the panic attack] was over.”
“When people are anxious, their brains start coming up with all sorts of outlandish ideas, many of which are highly unrealistic and unlikely to occur,” Corboy said. And these thoughts only heighten an individual’s already anxious state.
For instance, say you’re about to give a wedding toast. Thoughts like “Oh my God, I can’t do this. It will kill me” may be running through your brain.
Remind yourself, however, that this isn’t a catastrophe, and in reality, no one has died giving a toast, Corboy said.
“Yes, you may be anxious, and you may even flub your toast. But the worst thing that will happen is that some people, many of whom will never see you again, will get a few chuckles, and that by tomorrow they will have completely forgotten about it.”
Deibler also suggested asking yourself these questions when challenging your thoughts:
Hyland suggested practicing the following meditation regularly, which will make it easier to access when you’re anxious in the moment.
“Picture yourself on a river bank or outside in a favorite park, field or beach. Watch leaves pass by on the river or clouds pass by in the sky. Assign your emotions, thoughts and sensations to the clouds and leaves, and just watch them float by.”
This is very different from what people typically do. Typically, we assign emotions, thoughts and physical sensations certain qualities and judgments, such as good or bad, right or wrong, Hyland said. And this often amplifies anxiety. Remember that “it is all just information.”
Hyland gives her new patients a 3×5 index card with the following written on it: “Practice observing thoughts, feelings, emotions, sensations, judgment with compassion, or without judgment.”
“I have had patients come back after months or years and say that they still have that card on their mirror or up on their car dash, and it helps them.”
Anxiety can produce a lot of negative chatter. Tell yourself “positive coping statements,” Deibler said. For instance, you might say, “this anxiety feels bad, but I can use strategies to manage it.”
“When people are anxious, they are usually obsessing about something that might occur in the future,” Corboy said. Instead, pause, breathe and pay attention to what’s happening right now, he said. Even if something serious is happening, focusing on the present moment will improve your ability to manage the situation, he added.
When you’re feeling anxious, it’s also helpful to focus your attention on a “meaningful, goal-directed activity,” Corboy said. He suggested asking yourself what you’d be doing if you If you were going to see a movie, still go. If you were going to do the laundry, still do it. anxious.
“The worst thing you can do when anxious is to passively sit around obsessing about how you feel.” Doing what needs to get done teaches you key lessons, he said: getting out of your head feels better; you’re able to live your life even though you’re anxious; and you’ll get things done.
“The bottom line is, get
busy with the business of life. Don’t sit around focusing on being anxious – nothing good will come of that.”
Easier said than done...right?
The answer to overcoming panic and anxiety lies within you. With the proper anxiety coaching, support and readiness, it's possible for you to truly move past panic attacks and anxiety.
Loretta Anne Holmes, MA CMHWC is the founder of Bella ADHD & Life Coaching. She helps humans affected by ADHD and Anxiety discover their Kick Ass Life. Loretta Anne will coach you to gain clarity and discover YOUR Kick Ass Life!
Discover how Anxiety Coaching with Loretta Anne can help you Live Your Kick Ass Life at www.bellaADHDcoaching.com
Often when our teens say, “I don’t know,” they are really do know, but it’s frustrating when they say that…..Right?
When we trust our instincts as parents and we help our teen communicate an uncomfortable truth – whatever it may be ---we may just be rewarded with an “Aha!” moment.
How do we get that “Aha!” moment?
A lot of folks in our society try to be hyper-productive.
You know — the people who scurry from task to task, always checking e-mail, organizing something, making a call, running an errand, etc.
The people who do this often subscribe to the idea that “staying busy” means you’re working hard and are going to be more successful.
While this belief may be true to an extent, it often leads to mindless “productivity” — a constant need to do something and a tendency to waste time on menial tasks.
Instead of behaving in this way, I choose to do things differently.
For those of you whose grades weren’t too stellar last semester, don’t panic. It’s a new semester, and that means another shot at making the 4.0 that would make you and your parents proud. The good news is that, at the beginning of the semester, A’s aren’t quite as out of reach as you might think.
There are tips to get back into the swing of things so you hit the ground running! You got this!
More often than not, college students, especially freshmen with precious few credits, feel as though one bad semester not only ruins their GPA, but also their chances of graduate school or finding a job. But take it from someone who has been there — it is possible to bounce back, and there are a few things you can do once class starts that will set you up for success come finals time.
Does chaos run your morning? It does mine….if I am not careful.
For adults with ADHD transition from 2016 to 2017 can feel overwhelming. The challenge of getting ready and out of house each day can become wickedly worsened. If not careful, mornings can become chaotic, disorganized and messy.
Wouldn’t be nice to find the calm in the morning mess?
For me, mornings are one of the most difficult times of the day. This is when I feel the time crunch the most. I suspect I am not alone here. I had someone share with me the other day that a Suzie (not her real name) is struggling with getting herself as well as her daughter, Gracie (not her real name) out the door on their messy morning.
Gosh...so many of you have asked, and I figured it was about time you got an answer.
It really depends on what definition of that name I'll end up going with. In a sense, Bella is me. In a much realer sense, Bella is also a spunky 4-year old struggling to adjust to her new, much happier home. But Bella is also millions of other children, each with their own story but all sharing the same common denominator. I'll paint you a quick picture of what that denominator looks like: it's draped with the dulling red of growing up without the surefire love of a parent, watching people walk in and out of their lives without warning, and the drab gray of learning early on what it feels like to be left alone, in a much grander sense of the word. In short, their childhoods were anything but easy, and each of these children have had a much tougher road than kids that are born into the bright light of a happy family and raised with an innate understanding of how to maintain a positive attitude.